FOUR MONTHS AGO

Tonight the episode opens with one of Mo’s voiceovers. Somehow, they’re much more effective as a closer than an opener. This week, Mo tells us about our ability to remember shit and celebrating our triumphs and we should be warned about mistakes. Meanwhile, Peter runs around, trying to go Back to the Future. Whatever, Peter- take off your shirt.

He reads over the note from Adam, even though he doesn’t remember who the hell this Adam dude is, and that’s when Kensei/Adam appears, looking way hotter than he did when he was a sloppy drunk being lectured by Hiro. Adam realizes that Peter’s memory loss means that he’s been in contact with the Haitian.

Adam thinks the solution to Peter’s forgetfulness is self-healing, which sounds vaguely pornographic- I think the solution is a night of hot love. With me. Studies show that’s a 97% cure, and no, I can’t show you any proof, so just trust me. Anyway. Peter sees his photo of him and Nathan looking like they might be a couple of fairies and Adam tells him, “His name is Nathan.” Peter begins to remember.

Four Months Ago (hence the clever episode title). We see the scene from May’s season finale where Nathan and Peter save the world and Liana and I miraculously manage to stay totally dry-eyed like we didn’t do the first time. OK, not totally. Damn you, writers!

We follow the two of them into the sky and Peter begs Nathan to let him go. Nathan yells, “You go, I go!” and I’m still racking my brain trying to remember what movie that was from. Was that Titanic, where he tells her to jump? I kind of wanted her to. Nathan’s flesh peels grossly away from his face as Peter explains that he’s using his powers not to explode, so he can’t fly like Nathan. I’m confused- I thought Peter was all powerful. I guess he’s too busy concentrating on being incredibly hot to have, like, eight different superpowers.

Peter then lets Nathan go, even though Nathan yells after him, and he finally explodes. And even though the scene is supposed to be completely about the Petrelli boys, the camera still pans down to Claire and her dad watching the sky. God, go away Claire. Nobody loves you. Nathan falls through the sky when Peter appears, completely regenerated, and rescues him from splattering on the pavement. You know, my apartment’s got a balcony, if they’re looking for a spot to drop by. I’m usually in the shower around 10.

Roosevelt Hospital in NYC, where Micah is asleep in Niki’s arms as she watches the news. A doctor tells them that D.L. is going to be fine, which probably means that they’re going to save his death scene for later and it’s going to be really sad, and I’m going to cry AGAIN. Was I really mean to one of these writers in high school or something? Why do they do this to me?

Next we cut to the Dominican Republic, where the Wonderless Twins refuse to go away. They’ve only been around for like, six episodes, why the fuck would I care what they were doing before then?

Anyway, remember how I keep saying that the Twins are a little too incest-y? This storyline just proves me right. We see them at Wifebeater’s wedding; turns out he’s only known his wife for four months. That’s real genius right there, especially since he sees nothing wrong with the fact that his slut bride invited her ex who she’s totally slow-dancing with. Also, Wifebeater and Calisto are dancing together. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Oh, sorry, wrong show.

So they get in a fight and Wifebeater walks off before he can spot the new love of his life (besides his sister) go off with her ex. Calisto goes off to cry somewhere and runs into the wife doing her ex in some dirty shack. Calisto starts screaming and the ex (current?) runs over and physically threatens her. I like this dude. Calisto says she’d rather see this skanky cow dead than married to her brother and the black shit comes out and I think we all know what happens next. Calisto calls out for her brother and leaves the shack, and she freaks out when she finds out that the whole town is dead. Wifebeater comes over and she tells him she killed everyone; then she freaks out and runs away.

Back in NYC, Peter brings Nathan to a hospital, and Liana and I get into a heated debate about Peter’s old hair versus his new hair and which way he was hotter. We finally come to no conclusion and just wait for the shirtless scenes. A nearby cop notices that Peter’s clothes are covered in smoke, but his body remains untouched, which I volunteer to fix. Anyway, Peter doesn’t like that he caught the cop’s attention so he turns invisible and reappears somewhere else in the hospital, but quickly gets shot down by Veronica Mars and her five jillion watts of electric blue crap.

The title “Four Months Ago” appears on a solid black screen, which fades into a close-up of Peter sleeping. I can only make sounds. Veronica Mars is playing with his hair as Peter wakes up and she shoots more electricity at him. He asks where he is, and Blow tells him he’s in a safe place. Yeah, right. Peter asks about his brother, and Blow tells him that while doctors are working on him, it doesn’t look good. Then Peter asks who they are, and Blow says that he’s an “old friend” of Peter’s parents. Veronica Mars mentions his powers, and she won’t stop touching him. It’s really irritating, and her character pisses me off. This is also the episode where I found out that Kristen Bell is also on Gossip Girl, which has nothing to do with anything; I just thought I would point that out. Looks like she’s hit the goldmine when it comes to job offers.

Blow says that Peter’s a danger to everyone when his powers control him instead of the other way around, and Veronica Mars says that they’ve turned his powers off for him, courtesy of the Haitian. Blow then introduces Peter to the Research Facility where he’ll be staying while they “help him” control his powers, and it ain’t exactly a five-star hotel, if you get what I’m saying. Peter learns that thirty years ago, the Company had to stop their research on a vaccine that disabled powers like the ones Peter has, but the research has recently been re-established, and the Company believes that they’re close to finding a cure. Peter agrees to this, and Veronica Mars hugs him like he’s a doll or something.

Mother Creepy is visiting her son in the hospital. She appears to be worried about him, but we all know this is impossible because she never displays emotions. Nathan asks for Peter as he regains consciousness, and his face is totally burned and gross. Mother Creepy lies that the Coast Guard is searching for his brother and tries to stop Nathan from looking at his own reflection, but he does it anyway. He sees his Phantom of the Opera face and is like, “DAMN.”

We cut to elsewhere in what I assume is the same hospital, because NBC isn’t the number one network and probably can’t go filming willy-nilly all over the City. Niki is visiting D.L., and a doctor (quite rudely) cuts into their reunion and calls Niki outside. She walks into the hall, and I really wish the camera hadn’t showed her feet because OH MY FUCKING GOD! (-Liana) I thought her sateen pants were bad enough, but SILVER COWBOY BOOTS? OVER THE JEANS? They were shiny, too. Like, blindingly shiny. What the fuck, Niki? This is probably the worst wardrobe I have ever seen on any TV show, ever. Ali Larter should have gone back to her whipped cream bikini; it was ten times better than those monstrosities.

Ahem. Anyway, Niki tells the doctor that they don’t have insurance, but the doctor says that someone’s already paid the bill, and Blow steps out of the glaring light caused by Niki’s hideous boots and introduces himself. The doctor conveniently leaves, and Blow tells Niki that neither Linderman’s death nor Kirby Plaza were mentioned in the morning paper. “Who the hell are you?” Niki asks. Blow says he can help Niki with her illness and explains that he knows about Jessica and her split personality. Niki insists that Jessica is gone but Blow tells her to consider other future personalities (uh-oh! Foreshadowing!). Blow says the Company can help, but she has to leave her family. That sounds like a fair trade, don’t’cha think? Niki basically tells him to go fuck himself, but Blow offers her medication she can take while staying at home. However, he says, there are side effects. Niki cries as she weighs the alternatives.

Back at the Company Facility, a cup filled with pills sits in front of Peter as Veronica Mars does a pretty decent job cutting his hair. I personally don’t know why he needed a haircut, and I realize that even though he looks really (and I mean really) hot this way, I do like the old hair slightly better. Peter learns that he has to take the pills every day, and I get a little uneasy on his behalf- judging from the way she can’t keep her hands off him, that cup probably holds a roofie cocktail. Veronica Mars electrifies his skull and Peter yelps. She tells him he’ll get used to it, “and then you’ll start to like it.” Kinky.

After she leaves, a voice calls out to him from the next room, and we discover that Peter’s locked up next to Kensei/Adam Monroe (I’ll just call him Adam- too much typing). This is like, the hottest prison ever! It’s like if Oz were porn!

A month passes. “Three Months Ago” appears on the screen. It’s Micah’s birthday, and Niki looks on like a zombie. Micah wishes for his whole family to fight evil, like the Fantastic Four minus one, and D.L. says that he wants to be a hero to his son without using his powers. He tells him that he just got a really good job that will make Micah proud, and he gets ready to take his son bowling. He finds Niki, who hates that she’s all zomb-ified, and he tells her the meds will take some time. He leaves with Micah and Niki drops the pills down the sink. Ooooh.

Back at the Company, Peter still hasn’t told Adam his name. I just call him “SexyBack.” And Front. Peter wants to be left alone, but Adam says that gets real old, real fast. He says that Peter’s probably been through something really bad and he’s sorry for that. Peter gives in and the guys introduce themselves.

Two Months Ago. Veronica Mars comes in and Peter says he’s not in the mood, but she tells him she just wants “a little one” and that she’ll give him a bigger dose. This scene has serious sexual overtones. She shoots electricity into his hands and he pulls back when it starts to hurt. Veronica Mars hugs him and it’s really creepy.

Peter takes the pills and remarks that he doesn’t know anything about her after two months. She comments that she liked him better when he just laid there. Images flash through my head and I have to cool myself down. He presses, but she won’t say anything. Finally, he turns away, so she tells him- when she was six, she accidentally set her grandmother’s house on fire, and when she was eight, she caused a blackout in Ohio in four counties. On her ninth birthday, she had an IV of lithium stuck in her arm. That sounds sweet!

Veronica Mars goes on to tell Peter that she’s lived in the Company Facility for sixteen years, and that shrinks diagnosed her as “a sociopath with paranoid delusions.” Awesome! She leaves, and Adam warns Peter to stay the hell away from her, saying, “I caved in a desperate moment six years ago and I’m still paying the price.” Whoa. What do you bet that “price” is way worse than herpes and crabs mixed together? Bet he’s happy he can regenerate all of his parts.

Peter says that all he wants are the drugs, and Adam says that they’re lying about the whole “fixing you” thing. Peter says that the Facility helps people with powers, and Adam’s like, “Uh, no, dude, not exactly.” He tells Peter to try to leave if he’s so sure it’s not a prison. Peter’s like, “Well, now that you mention it…”

Back at the hospital, Heidi is in Nathan’s room when Mother Creepy appears, looking especially vampirific. She wants to leave Heidi and Nathan alone, but Heidi follows Mother Creepy into the hallway, saying that Nathan told her everything- the bomb, the flying, the car crash, etc. Heidi claims that she thinks it’s due to the pain meds, but you can so tell that she kind of believes it. It would be kind of stupid if she didn’t; I mean, she lives with the man, she had to have occasionally seen some weird shit.

Mother Creepy starts touching Heidi in a totally disturbing way and tells her that Nathan has “delusions of grandeur” like his father. At first I was like, “What is she, like a lesbian or something?” but then I remembered how she used to touch Peter and Nathan all the time and I realized that this is probably her power- she can brainwash people by touching them. That would be totally cool. And also she scares the crap out of me. She rubs Heidi’s head like she’s a little pet and tells her to keep Nathan’s “condition” a secret, and Heidi nods.

We go to Vegas, and Niki’s apparently lost the boots, but in their place has gained a revolting jacket in some mysterious, disgusting fabric. Thankfully, this appears to be mandatory apparel for a new job, as she’s practicing her “buy a car” speech in front of a mirror. D.L. enters the room and wishes her luck, and says that he’s happy the medication worked out for her. Wrong and wrong again. He leaves to take Micah to school. Niki’s reflection begins to talk to her from the mirror and says that D.L.’s going to find out that she’s not taking the pills. Niki tells Jessica to go away, but the new personality turns out to be “Gina,” who Niki apparently dealt with when she was younger and ran away to L.A. one summer. Niki insists that she’s in control, but “Gina” asks why she’s not taking her meds, and Niki is trapped behind the mirror while “Gina” throws off the jacket and presumably sets off for Los Angeles. Cool, maybe she can visit my dad while she’s there.

At the Company, Peter is trying unsuccessfully to get Blow to let him out to see his family. Blow leaves, and Peter asks Adam why they keep them there. “Because we’re dangerous?” “No Peter, “Adam replies, “because we can save the world.” Adam tells him that his blood has the power to cure, so he tried to “take [his] abilities public” and that’s why he’s locked up. He says he can’t be killed, but he can cure Nathan. Peter’s interested, and asks how they can get out.

We cut to D.L.’s new job- he’s a firefighter, and he phases through a wall to save a little girl. He’s showered with praise, even though people seem to think it’s weird that he PHASED THROUGH A WALL. Later, Micah sees the fire on TV, and he rushes to congratulate his dad, who asks where Niki is. Micah says she hasn’t come home yet- they couldn’t have gotten a babysitter? I mean, the kid’s only 11. Anyway, D.L. knows something’s wrong, and he goes upstairs to see “Gone to L.A. C ya!” in lipstick on the mirror. He figures that Jessica’s made an appearance.

One Month Ago. Veronica Mars comes into Peter’s cell to give him his meds and immediately turns to leave, but Peter stops her and asks for a jolt of electricity. She moves closer, and he pulls her onto his lap and tells her that he likes their blue crap sessions almost as much as he likes her. Then he makes out with her. Whoa. I mean, he’s hot and all, but first The Setter and now Veronica Mars? Peter’s kind of a manwhore. Anyway, I hope that jolt that he just got through kissing her is just the electricity and not, like, gonorrhea of the throat.

He gets off his cot and takes his pills, and she goes over to him and presses up against his back, asking if he’s had enough fun. You can tell she totally wants to do it. I wouldn’t, considering what happens when he just kisses her. Anyway, he just smiles at her and hands her the empty cup. She leaves, and he takes the pills out of his mouth and flushes them. He then tells Adam that he’s been off the meds for five days, and therefore it’s time to try a prison break. I hope they don’t spend too much time on that plotline- that show sucks, and the premise is retarded.

Peter phases through the wall, and tells Adam that it’s nice to finally meet him. “You know,” he says, “for 400 years, you’ve held up pretty well.” I’ll say. Damn, David Anders is hot. I hope the writers don’t put these two in too many scenes together, because I can already feel my head starting to spin. “Come on, let’s go heal your brother,” Adam says, and they phase through the wall together.

We cut to Venezuela, and I’m annoyed, because I forgot we even saw the Twins today and I was happy. Calisto is a nun now. What the hell? Wifebeater wants her to come home, apparently. Ha ha! He brought cops! Dude, that’s cold. Calisto throws a hissy fit and the black shit comes out and all the cops die but Wifebeater stops it and the black shit disappears. Then they run away and I still don’t give a crap.

L.A. Instead of showing my dad’s place, we’re in some skeezy club where Niki/Gina is doing blow. What is with the costume designers and putting Ali Larter in shiny outfits this week? Her top is disgraceful. D.L. shows up and finds Niki with some dirty coke dealer, and he grabs her and calls her Jessica. The coke dealer tries to interfere, but D.L. says that she’s his wife and shows Niki/Gina a picture of them with Micah. The dealer picks a fight, but his hand phases awesomely through D.L.’s head and he hits the dude in the stomach as “Gina” dissipates and Niki re-emerges.

Niki and D.L. start to run out of the club, but the dealer has other plans and shoots D.L. in the stomach. D.L. dies as he and Niki declare their love for each other. I KNEW that I would get all upset! Sometimes I hate this show.

Three Weeks Ago. It’s D.L.’s wake, and Monica and Semenal Misfire are there. S.M. asks Micah if he can play with D.L.’s Medal of Valor. Does this kid have no shame? I hate him. Fortunately, Monica smacks him. Uhura comes over and asks Niki if she’s going to be alright. Niki replies that she needs help, and Uhura offers to provide it for her. D.L.’s family totally rules. Blow is there too, and they share a mutual nod, as if to say, “Sorry you’re such a fuck-up.”

Peter and Adam are at Nathan’s bedside. Adam says that he’s taken care of plane tickets and money, and now he’s going to cure Nathan. Peter apologizes to Nathan for letting this happen to him, even though, hello, Nathan kind of forced him to in the greatest show of soft-core homo porn ever- for me and Liana, anyway. Adam injects his blood into Nathan’s IV, and Nathan starts to heal immediately. Adam says they have to leave because the Company is probably already looking for them, and Peter sees said picture of him and Nathan and grabs it before they hightail it out of there.

Once they leave, Peter chucks the frame and Adam hands Peter a plane ticket and passport. The Haitian and Veronica Mars appear and Adam tells Peter where to meet him in Montreal. The two split up and Veronica Mars shoots them both with electric blue crap, knocking Adam to the ground and setting Peter’s jacket on fire. Peter gets up, stripping off his clothes, and it’s about fucking time. I was getting antsy waiting for the shirtlessness. Veronica Mars tells the Haitian to go after Peter while she chases Adam.

Peter jumps over a fence and winds up in some weird alley filled with what appear to be barrels. He runs right into the Haitian, who’s put a hold on his powers, so he can’t do anything to save himself. The Haitian hits him in the chest and he flies into an empty barrel. They have a pretty weak fist fight until the Haitian handcuffs him (“Good lord, I can’t control myself!” –Liana) and Peter is locked into the barrel. Peter says that if he goes back to the Facility, he’ll keep escaping, and The Haitian says that he’s not taking him back because Mother Creepy helped him when he was in need. But- that’s impossible! She’s EVIL!

The Haitian removes the necklace with the Heroes “S” symbol from around his neck and gives it to Peter, saying he must start a new life, saying that his secret is safe with him, then reaches out and destroys all Peter’s memories of who he is.

Holy crap, I was not expecting that. The Haitian rules.

Mo’s voiceover. Something about giving our “fragile existence” meaning, or something like that, as Mother Creepy enters Nathan’s hospital room. He’s standing at the window, completely healed. She doesn’t look surprised at all.

Present day. Calisto and newly-hot Sylar and their gross romantic storyline. Niki thanks Blow and leaves the Facility.

Mo’s voiceover tells us something about holding dark with light and good with evil. Nathan shows up at the pub in Ireland, but of course, Peter and The Setter are already gone. The voiceover says that this dichotomy is what makes us human.

In Montreal, Peter finally remembers everything. “Shall we save the world?” Asks Adam. Peter answers with a smile.

I can’t wait for next week.