TRUTH AND CONSEQUENCES

This week, the writers don’t take pity on us by immediately showing what happened to HRG. Instead, they take us to a deserted, future NYC, where Peter is busy freaking out about Irish Setter. Then, suddenly, we’re back in the present, where Peter tells Adam that he was just in the future, and Adam is like, “What drugs are you on?” Peter shows him the flyer and explains about the virus, explaining that it’s called the Shanti Virus and it kills 93% of the population. You think I would get my classes cancelled for that? Peter asks Adam if that means anything to him.

Adam tells Peter about Victoria Pratt, who in 1977, recovered a virus from a girl named Shanti, who of course we all know as Mo’s sister. Adam pulls out the ElderHeroes photo, and I’m totally frustrated that we still can’t see Peter and Nathan’s dad’s face. I’m aware that this is part of a yet-to-be-revealed storyline, but come on!

Adam says that the Company ordered Victoria to turn the virus into a weapon. He thought they had stopped such research, but apparently, he was wrong. Whoops. Peter looks at the people in the photo and points out his parents, Linderman, and Charles Deveaux, and Adam tells him that everyone in the photo are the Company’s founders and they started all of this. Adam points out Victoria Pratt, and it’s the chick from Blade Runner. That’s awesome- Heroes really hit the mark this year with casting. Peter suggests they find Victoria and find out everything about the virus.

The Bennet house. The Mrs. has the gun her husband gave her pointed at Blow, who has an urn that seemingly contains HRG’s ashes. Psych, Bennet family! You’ve been punk’d! She tells Blow to get out, but he keeps going on and on about how HRG was a loyal employee and a good friend, blah blah blah…go fuck yourself. Blow says that HRG’s personnel file stated how to treat his remains, but the family is pretty pissed off. Blow claims he was just trying to help Claire use her abilities, but we all know that’s a load of crap. Blow puts the urn on a table and says that he’ll honor HRG’s wishes to give his family a normal life. Since he’s leaving them the urn, I have to wonder- whose ashes are in that jar? “My father is dead,” says Princess Claire, once again displaying her minimal acting ability, “there is no normal.” Mrs. Bennet tells her kids that they’re leaving that night.

Blow gets into his car with a waiting Veronica Mars, whose arm is still in a sling, and tells her to watch Princess Claire for the next 24 hours. Veronica Mars says that it would be easier if she hadn’t been shot, and Blow basically blames her. What a loving father. Blow might run the Company, but he also has no powers that we know of, and his daughter can electrocute him in the pool, so he might want to be careful with this whole “letting her get shot” deal. Just saying.

Tonight’s title sequence appears on HRG’s arm as he lies in a hospital bed with an IV in his arm. I just found out the dude’s fifty. Fifty. He looks pretty good for fifty. I mean, I’m not saying he’s hot or anything, but you can tell he’s not like, pigging out on pizza and cookies every night. I’m guessing he’s Hayden Panettiere’s next victim, after she gets tired of thirty-year-olds.

Anyway, HRG’s dead, and we get a mini-rehash of last week’s episode closer as he comes back to life. He calls out for Mo, who comes over and tightens HRG’s restraints. HRG says he remembers when Mo shot him. Yeah, that was pretty harsh. Mo tells HRG that Claire’s blood brought him back to life, and HRG gets all pissed that Mo betrayed him by coming after his family. HRG asks where Claire is, and Mo says she’s at home, and BTW, she thinks her father’s dead. Mo says the Company is going to use Claire’s blood to save lives, and he leaves, ignoring the fact that HRG is screaming after him. I kind of like Mo when he’s not such a pussy.

In New Orleans, Micah and his cousins are coming home. Micah tells Semenal Misfire how one of his comics could sell for six hundred dollars, but he doesn’t want to sell them. Of course, this is stupid to tell S.M., who is one of the most annoying little shits on television. Pity he has to be on a show as cool as Heroes. Monica asks why Saint Joan wears a hood if she’s one of the good guys, and Micah explains about the importance of having a secret identity. This kid is so cute with his obsession with comics and superheroes. He puts the comic in his bag. Uhura enters with Niki, and Micah runs to his mom and hugs her.

Niki and Micah go into the kitchen, where they talk about how much they’ve missed each other. He asks her where she’s been, and she explains about the Company, saying it’s a place that helps sick people. She sounds like she actually believes it. Poor, stupid Niki. He asks if Jessica still makes appearances, and she says no, but that she’s sick with something else. Greeeeeat. She cries as she tells him about the virus, and she swears she’ll get better. Micah tells her he’s going to give her D.L.’s medal for strength, and I wonder what more the writers can do with him to make him the best character on the show. He runs to get his bag, but it’s missing- we know S.M. took it. I have never wanted to punch a kid in the face so badly in my life, and I used to babysit in high school.

We cut to Sylar and Calisto, sitting on a blanket and grass, and I wish I had some grass to get me through this portion of the episode. He pours her some wine- hopefully spiked with arsenic- and says that they need to go see Mo to make her normal. There’s that word again. She says that once she’s normal, she and her brother can go home. I don’t know why she’d want to, considering they’re wanted for murder, but ok. Idiot. Sylar tries to convince her to stay with him and leave her brother so he can plow her ‘til next Tuesday, but Calisto says that her brother is the only one who can control her power. Sylar says maybe she can control her own power, which really means, “OK, then, how about just a handjob? Please?” Anyway, Calisto gets all freaked out and Sylar continues to bait her by saying she wanted to kill her brother’s wife and this is really her fault, and the black shit comes out and Sylar starts gasping and telling her she can control her power. “You’re killing me!” He tells her. Amen, Sylar.

Suddenly Calisto inhales and her eyes clear, and Sylar gets up. She hugs him and tells him he was right. Are they gonna make out? Gross.

In Tokyo, Hiro and Ando are in Nakamura’s office, packing up his things. Hiro is looking at the ubiquitous ElderHeroes photo as he makes plans to avenge his father’s death. Again with this shit? Ando asks if Hiro is sure that Kensei is the murderer, because how can someone survive for 400 years? Hiro speculates that if someone can heal himself, he can survive time, also. That makes sense to me. Hiro thinks that if Kensei’s lived forever, he’s probably left a trail, and he begins to dig through a box.

Searsmont, Maine. BTW, I just Google-Mapped this and it’s a real place. Adam and Peter are here, presumably to find Victoria Pratt, and there are guns. This can’t end well. Peter thinks they don’t need the guns, and they should just ask Victoria to tell them what she knows. Why is Peter such a gullible moron lately? And why has he had his shirt on this whole time?

Anyway, Adam doesn’t trust Victoria because she worked for the Company and they locked him up- and also Peter, which I guess they both conveniently forgot- so Peter offers to go in alone, with no weapon. That’s a great idea, Peter, hope you don’t get killed!

It looks like Victoria Pratt is gardening when Peter finds her, and she asks him if he’s lost. She’s not very friendly, but I have to assume she’s not used to getting visitors, so she probably assumes that Peter’s either a phone-book salesman or a Jehovah’s Witness. Then again, if a salesman who looked like Peter ever showed up, I’d buy whatever he was selling, if you get what I’m saying. Peter says he’s looking for Victoria Pratt and she says she doesn’t know her, to which Peter responds, “you worked for the Company.” Her response is to pull out a shotgun, which, really, what did we expect? Nice going, Peter, you dumbass. Anyway, he doesn’t look that shocked as he begins to tell her the effect of the Shanti virus. When will Peter learn that in order to get into a stranger’s house, all he has to do is take off his clothes? He tells her that a year from now, 93% of the world’s population will be dead, and Victoria asks, “Time traveler?” Although the look on her face clearly states that she’s actually thinking, “Naked?”

Peter doesn’t confirm or deny, instead telling her the virus she created killed billions of people. He tells her that he needs her help. She pumps the gun and tells him to get inside. Hell yeah!

We cut to Hiro and Ando, who are trying to piece together Kensei’s past. Hiro finds a photo of his father as a younger man with Adam next to him, and when he turns the photo over he sees the names of his father, Adam Monroe, and Victoria Pratt. Ando says he’s seen the name before, and pulls a file out of another box. He hands it to Hiro, who discovers that it’s from November 2, 1977, and it’s an order to lock up Adam that’s signed by Nakamura. Hiro, who apparently has learned nothing from fucking with ancient Japan, decides he must go back to that day. He disappears, and Ando sighs, “not again.” Ando’s turning out to be some great comic relief.

Hiro teleports himself to Primatech, 1977. As he appears in a hallway, alarms are going off. A loudspeaker announces that there’s an evacuation in effect, and Hiro sees his father with Adam, who’s being restrained by guards. David Anders looks hot in seventies clothes. That samurai uniform did not do a body good. Hiro’s father is angry that Adam has betrayed them, Adam argues that he was trying to save the world. Nakamura wants to know if this includes releasing a virus that could kill billions of people. Nakamura orders that Adam be taken to lock-up and then deactivates the alarm. He enters a room and asks the woman inside if she’s all right, and we realize that the woman is Victoria Pratt. She says that Adam was looking for Strain 138, which she holds in her hand. Nakamura thanks her for saving everyone, and asks for the vial. She hesitates, but hands it over. Nakamura says that the virus will be locked away in Odessa, Texas, but Victoria insists that the vial be destroyed. Nakamura says that the other founders would never allow that, and Victoria says that Adam had help. Nakamura only says that she should take a few days off before coming back to work. That wasn’t like, suspicious or anything. Victoria refuses to be a part of all this crap and leaves. Hiro teleports back to 2007.

Back in Maine, Peter has Victoria’s house with her gun at his back. Why she doesn’t take that opportunity to force him to strip and perform an interpretive dance is beyond me. She says that she figured that someone would be coming after her, considering the ElderHeroes are being picked off like grapes on a vine. The camera pans to a desk scattered with clippings about the deaths of the ElderHeroes and Mother Creepy’s bogus confession. Victoria says that Peter looks like his mother. Actually, he kind of does. If you put him, Adrian Pasdar and Cristine Rose in a room together, they look like they could all be related. It’s much better casting than Matt and Evil Parkman.

Peter claims he knows nothing about the deaths and the last time he saw his mother, it was in 2008, and only 7% of the population was alive, thanks to the Shanti virus. He explains about the Setter and how he swore to protect her- I must have missed that episode. He’s known this chick for like, ten minutes. Victoria tells him he’s looking for Strain 138 and says, “if it were ever released, it would kill us all.” Um, hi? I think we established that a while ago.

A few minutes later, Peter walks down the driveway where Adam is leaning James Dean-like against the car. Peter says that Victoria told him about the storage facility in New Mexico, and Adam gets all confused and starts to tell him there is no storage facility there as Victoria shoots Adam in the chest.

Peter is all shocked, but Victoria tells him that all she needed to know is that Peter is “working with him.” She shoots Peter too and he even looks hot when he falls. She stands over Adam as he heals and says that she’s going to blow his head off, because “that’s the only way to be sure,” but before she can take a shot, Peter appears and punches her in the face. Adam gets up and thanks him; they take her into the house.

The writers decide to piss me off and get back to the Wonderless Twins. Wifebeater is in a dingy motel room looking at a newspaper article when Calisto bursts in without knocking, probably hoping to see him naked or something, and tells him that she can control her power because of Sylar. Ask me if I care (I don’t). Apparently Wifebeater doesn’t either, because the article he’s reading is about how Sylar murdered his mother. Calisto doesn’t believe him, and Sylar comes in and asks what’s going on. Wifebeater tells him, only he tells him in Spanish, so Sylar is like, “What the fuck?” He asks Calisto, and she tells him about the article, which Sylar confirms, only he says that it was an accident, which is sort of true.

Anyway, Calisto says she understands why Sylar killed his mom. Wifebeater can’t understand this, because he’s a murderer. “I’m a murderer!” She tells him. She’s got a point. Calisto tells Wifebeater that Sylar understands what she’s going through- interesting how she’s so quick to jump to his defense after she’s almost made out with him. Then again, I saw him in a sleeveless shirt, so I’m kind of on board with that.

Wifebeater tries to get his sister to leave, but it’s obvious that she’s totally into the whole Sylar-Is-Really-Hot deal, so she says she’s staying and she doesn’t need him anymore. Calisto claims that Wifebeater hates her because she killed his wife, even though we know he hates her for the same reason we all do- because she’s annoying, and an idiot. Wifebeater says that wasn’t her fault, but actually, it kind of was, and he leaves. Sylar hugs her and smiles creepily at the wall as he says he’ll “take care” of her. I hope that means killing her, but we’ll see.

We’re back in Maine, as Adam ties Victoria to a chair. Bondage? Hot. Peter asks why she lied about the virus, and Victoria says that he’s with Adam, and they’re trying to release it. Right, but she didn’t know that at the time, so that doesn’t explain much. Anyway, Peter says they’re not trying to release the virus, he’s trying to destroy it, and Victoria says that thirty years ago, Adam tried to release it, and now he wants to do it again, and I just said do it. Yeah, I don’t have a lot going on.

Adam tells Victoria that he broke into the Company to save the world and Victoria realizes that he’s been causing the deaths of the ElderHeroes. Adam insists that they’re trying to save lives, not kill people, but hello, we all watch the show! Anyway, Peter blindly believes Adam’s crap, even when Victoria guesses that Peter is a killer, too, just like his parents (“Ooh- burn!” –Liana). Peter tells her that Adam helped him escape the Company and save his brother’s life, but what she’s doing will kill a whole bunch of people, and asks her again where the virus is. She tells him to go to hell, but he uses his Matt Parkman mind-reading power and finds out where it is anyway. He couldn’t have just done that from the beginning?

Peter tells Adam that the virus is in Texas, and Victoria freaks out. Adam moves behind her, and I start to feel all funny, like when I first started sex ed in junior high. She yells at him to get away from her, but Adam tells her they’re not hurting her, “we’re letting you go.” He does, and Victoria grabs the gun, which has been conveniently placed directly within arm’s reach, and tries to shoot Peter in the head. Instead, Adam shoots her and she falls. Peter tells Adam he didn’t have to kill her, but Adam tells him, “She was about to take your head off. There’s no coming back from that one.” Hmmm, foreshadowing? Peter leaves and Adam steps over Victoria’s body, pulling the ElderHeroes photo out of his pocket. “If anyone survives,” he tells the body,” “I’ll tell them I couldn’t have done it without you.” He runs his finger through the blood on his chest and uses it to mark her picture with the Heroes “S.” He drops the photo next to her and the whole thing is truly fucking gross. Meanwhile, Victoria has no reaction, because she’s dead.

Back in New Orleans, S.M. has a bloody nose, and unfortunately, it’s not from me punching him. Uhura is asking him about Micah’s bag, and S.M. says that some kid told him that he could find out how much the comics were worth. The kids fight and Micah gets in a punch before Niki pulls him off. Micah tells S.M. that his dad’s medal was in the bag and S.M. says he’ll get him a new one. Is he retarded? Micah asks S.M. if he’s also going to get him a new dad, which invokes a reaction from both Uhura and Niki. My heart breaks for this kid. I seriously want to kick his cousin’s ass. S.M. actually apologizes but Micah shouts that he hates him. Uhura tells S.M. that she’ll get him cleaned up and then they’re going to call the police and tell them everything. They leave.

Micah tells Niki and Monica they don’t need the police; that they could be heroes. That’s a great song by David Bowie. Niki pulls him aside and explains that they’ve discussed this. Micah says they need to be heroes, “like Dad.” Niki says that that was got D.L. killed, and that the medal is gone and she’s sorry. They hug as Micah looks at Monica.

We leave New Orleans and head over to the Wonderless Twins and Their Useless Existence. Sylar is packing up to leave when there’s a knock at his door. It’s Wifebeater, and he thinks there’s no way Sylar’s leaving with his sister. Sylar says that if Wifebeater insists on being so persistent, he’s just going to have to kick his ass. Well, maybe that’s not exactly what he said, but you get my point. “I’m taking my sister!” Wifebeater wrongly thinks in English. He tries to punch Sylar, but it turns out Sylar is a lot stronger than him- who would have thought? Actually, everybody. Sylar flings him off, and Wifebeater goes down next to the bed, where Sylar just happens to keep an incredibly scary-looking knife, which he proceeds to use on Wifebeater until Calisto knocks on the door.

The camera swings over to outside the motel room, where Calisto is annoyingly knocking and calling Sylar’s name. The door opens and Sylar appears, soaking wet and wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. I’m sorry, is there dialogue going on? If I thought the sleeveless shirt scene was hot- holy shit. Yeah. Wow. OK, then. (“Am I supposed to say something right now? I forget.” –Liana) I can’t even come up with something hilarious.

So, um, anyway, Sylar is naked. And there’s water. And I’m having trouble typing. Calisto can’t keep the look off her face and I’m pretty sure I can’t either. Sylar says that he didn’t hear her with the water running, which forces me to think of him in the shower. These writers really don’t want me to pay attention to the show, do they? So, yeah. He asks her if everything’s OK as I pray, not particularly silently, for the towel to fall off, and my TV is HD. OK, focus. There’s a plot. Yes, a plot. Sylar partially closes the door, probably to hide the dead body next to his bed. Bed. He’s still in a towel. Stop! OK. Wow, that towel is small. So, um, Calisto says that Sylar was right about everything, and that she is choosing him over her brother. Sylar touches her face and says he just wants to help her. She tells him he’s done that as they kiss. Sylar closes the door. Damn, that is a small-ass towel. God, please change this scene.

When I asked for the scene to be changed, I didn’t mean “change it to Claire.” Teeth appears to see Princess Claire unpacking a box. “Your mom said you were leaving tonight,” Teeth narrates for us, in case we were all stuck on the Sylar-Towel scene and forgot that Claire was moving. Princess Claire looks at him briefly, then turns away. She tells him that even though she’s been injured more times than she can count, “this hurts more than any of that, and it’s not getting better.” She tells him her plan to find the Haitian, who can make her forget she ever had a dad in the first place. Teeth says that “forgetting isn’t the answer,” and Princess Claire says that she just wants to tell her dad how sorry she is. Or, you could have not been such a bitch in the first place.

Micah is in bed, but he isn’t sleeping. Monica enters, dressed all in black, which Micah questions. Monica tells him that she knows what it’s like to lose someone you love and brings up her mom’s piano and what she would do to someone who stole it. She tells him that she knows where the kids live who stole the backpack, and if he stays out of the way, she’ll help him get D.L.’s medal. I can’t help but think that is a supremely stupid idea. Monica tells him to be quiet as they sneak out of the house.

Back at the Company, Mo and Blow are watching videos on a computer. Mo says that Claire’s blood can defeat the virus because they have “fortified his antibodies,” whatever the hell that means, and Blow congratulates him. Mo reminds Blow that he promised the research would stop, and says that he’s been researching the Company. Blow says that he hopes that means Mo would understand that they need to get rid of dangerous peoples’ abilities. Mo hands him the file for Strain 138, and demands that Blow help him destroy it. He agrees, but why does that sound like a lie?

In New Orleans, Niki’s cell phone vibrates. Mo is on the other end, and he tells her they found a cure and that he’ll be there on the next flight. She’s ecstatic and goes to find Micah, but- oops!- he’s gone.

He and Monica are outside the house of the Comic Book Thieves, and whatever Micah is doing with his cell phone is letting him know the house is vacant and it’s OK for them to break in. Monica says she almost knows how to break in, and looks at the iPod that she got from Mo in The Line. She’s watching a scene of some dude climbing up a porch, and then she says, “Got it. I just wish it wasn’t so bright.” Micah responds by putting his hand on the streetlight and blinking, and the lights go out. The two of them are awesome. The whole family is like The Incredibles, only on TV.

Monica puts on her head, and Micah tells her she’s Saint Joan. She tells him to stay there and she’ll be right back. Why do I have such a bad feeling about this? She runs across the street, jumps over the fence and climbs over the balcony to get into the house. It’s pretty awesome. She turns on her flashlight and immediately finds the backpack, but as she sees it, headlights approach- it’s the Thieves. She gathers the comics and medal, puts them in the bag, and finds a hiding spot. The Thieves come in, discussing the fires that they get paid to start. Nice guys.

They make their way up the stairs, and we see that Monica has pinned herself to the ceiling with the bag hanging from her arm. One of the comics falls out and hits the stairs. I knew that was going to happen. The Thieves look up at the ceiling and see her. They pull their guns, but decide to drag her outside instead. Micah sees this, and Monica looks at him as if to say, “Stay away from this.” One of the Thieves hits her in the face and they throw her in the back of a van. They shut the doors and Micah runs.

HRG’s “funeral.” Princess Claire stands on some rocks with the urn in her hands and I wonder how badly her non-acting skills will fuck this one up. Her mom, Lyle Mr. Muggles and Teeth are all standing behind her. Why the fuck is Teeth involved in everything in this family’s life? He’s known all of them for like, a month. Princess Claire cries and apologizes to her father as she empties the urn into the water. Water. Like in showers. With towels. Dammit! OK. Anyway. Princess Claire returns to her family and her mom tells her they have to leave immediately. If you ask me, it would have been more appropriate for his wife to spread the ashes, but this unfortunately meant more screen time for Hayden Panettiere, so whatever.

Princess Claire walks over to Teeth and hugs him, and that’s when she sees Veronica Mars, just sitting in her car, drinking what looks like one of those 7-11 drinks. Or an iced coffee. Whatever, they’re both gross. Veronica Mars realizes she’s been caught and tries to hightail it the fuck out of there, but her driving hand is injured, so Princess Claire closes in on her. Her drink falls into her lap as Princess Claire gets closer, and she gets an “Aw, SHIT,” expression on her face. It’s pretty funny, actually.

She gets out of the car as Princess Claire confronts her and tells Princess Claire that she came to watch the sunset. Princess Claire pushes her up against the car and Veronica Mars yells out, “Watch who you’re shoving, POM POM!” That was pretty funny, too. When Kristen Bell isn’t playing her as some weird, sex-starved psychopath, Elle can be a pretty good asset to the show.

Princess Claire threatens to tell the world “what they did,” but Veronica Mars says that no one would believe her. Princess Claire says that she’ll just have to show them, and punches her fist into the car window. She puts her hand right in Veronica Mars’ face as the cuts heal, pushing glass out all over the ground. I gotta admit, it’s pretty cool. Princess Claire tells her, “Once the secret’s out, you won’t be able to touch me or my family. You’ll be the ones running.” The scene ends with Princess Claire and Veronica Mars nose-to-nose. It kicked so much ass that I almost forgot about wet, naked Sylar. I said almost.

Mo is in a cab, on his way to see Niki. He pulls the case with the needle and cure out of his bag and his phone rings. Sylar’s on the other end, and my concentration immediately goes down the drain. Mo asks Sylar where he is, and Sylar says that the babysitter is taking the night off and that he’s taking good care of the little one. Has he made use of the shower in Mo’s apartment yet? God, what is my problem?

The camera pans to Fievel Face, who’s sleeping right next to Sylar as he brushes hair off her face. He tells Mo that there’s someone there who needs his help, and Calisto smiles at him like he doesn’t seem like a child molester. He hangs up the phone.

We cut to Ando, asleep in Nakamura’s office. Hiro appears and wakes him up, saying that he knows what Adam wants- it’s a virus that’s being kept at Primatech in Odessa, Texas. “Where we tried to save the cheerleader?” Ando asks. Ha- a reminder of Season One and how much better it was than this season. Hiro explains that if he doesn’t stop Adam, everyone will die. He says that he must avenge his father’s death and save the world. He disappears as Ando wonders aloud, “Why is saving the world always your responsibility?” You know, that’s a really good question.

Primatech, Odessa, Texas. Peter and Adam enter and Peter says that this isn’t exactly the ideal place to store a world-destroying virus. Adam says it’s not really a paper company (“Duh, Peter, you retard!” –Liana), and that the real action happens three floors down. Good to know; I’ll meet them there later with the KY. Suddenly, everything except Peter is frozen, and he looks around, confused, to find Hiro. They acknowledge each other, and Hiro informs Peter that Adam killed his father and “for that he must pay.” Peter tells him that he can’t allow that, and Hiro tells him, “then you have chosen the wrong side.” Hiro takes out his sword, and Peter brings on the electric blue crap. This is getting homoerotic. Peter again tells Hiro, “I can’t let you do that,” and the two prepare themselves for a fight. The Heroes “S” on the sword fills the screen. To Be Continued…

CAUTIONARY TALES
This week’s episode opens on the Bennet family, who are all packing up to move. Everyone, that is, except Princess Claire, who in true Princess Claire fashion has to piss and moan and ruin everything for everyone. Her Majesty enters the scene in her ugly Costa Verde cheeerleader’s uniform, which sparks outrage from HRG, who informs Princess Claire that they’re moving, in case she forgot. Princess Claire insists that she’s not going, and I seethe with rage. Someone needs to smack this girl across the face. HRG tells her to get upstairs and take the uniform off, and there’s another “You’re the bad guy.” “No, YOU’RE the bad guy!” argument between the two of them. I’m getting really bored of these. Princess Claire accuses her father of kidnapping Teeth, and her whole family is like, “Asphincter says WHAT?”

Her Highness tries to leave, and when HRG tries to stop her, she taunts him by asking him to tie her up. Whoa. I mean, I know she goes for older guys, but this getting a little too Showtime for me. HRG even has some duct tape on hand, which is even more disturbing. Mrs. Bennet just orders the Princess to go to school and say goodbye to her friends and then come home and start packing. Yeah, that’ll work. Before she leaves, Princess Claire looks pointedly at her dad and says, “I hate you.” Snot-nosed brat.

We travel to Japan to attend Hiro’s father’s funeral. The episode title appears on two headstones as Hiro gets up to speak, but instead of delivering a eulogy, he walks off. Ando follows him, and Hiro tells him that he has to go back and find out who killed his father, because apparently he didn’t learn anything from fucking with the 17th century. Hiro blinks his eyes and winds up on the roof during the Nakamura/Mother Creepy conversation. He darts off to the side so they don’t see him and eavesdrops. Smooth.

Matt and Mo’s apartment. Matt’s looking at a photo of the ElderHeroes and they’ve all been identified, except for one woman. Fievel Face comes in and says that she didn’t have any nightmares that night- probably because she and Matt are sleeping underneath the same big sky. Matt makes her breakfast and she looks at the photo, asking what it is. He tells her it’s a puzzle and she offers to find the people in it, but he says no. He tells Fievel Face he wants her to be a normal little girl, but that’s impossible because she looks like a cartoon mouse. They hug, and Fievel Face suddenly agrees to be normal. Her eyes open and it’s way creepy. Matt thinks at her that she should come back to the table and finish her cereal, and she does. Holy shit, that would be an AWESOME superpower.

We go back to Costa Verde, but thank God, Her Royal Whine-ness is nowhere to be found. Mo and Blow appear to be in the pool area of some hotel. Blow mentions “taking out” HRG, and Mo, who’s no fool, realizes that Blow means “killing” him. Mo says that he’s not choosing sides, and understands that using Claire’s blood as a cure is the right thing for everyone, whatever the hell that means. Blow says that Mo is a good guy; that’s why he’s getting a partner- that’s when he introduces Veronica Mars as his daughter. How many of us are surprised?

Veronica Mars makes some comment about Mo’s broken nose, which is kind of rude, and Blow questions whether she’s been working on her gun skills. Call me crazy, but she’s the last person I’d trust with a gun. Veronica Mars glances at Mo and says, “Hey Fight Club- get a load of this.” She uses her finger like a gun at a drink sitting on a table and the electricity that shoots from her hand shatters the glass. That’s kind of awesome, even if she is batshit nuts. Also, how cool is it that I coined a character name months ago that they’re now using on the show? They probably didn’t steal it from me, but still.

Across town, Princess Claire is building something with rocks that I probably don’t give a shit about. Teeth shows up and asks what her “deal” is, even though he’s the one that deserves a restraining order. Princess Claire insists that she really does care about him, and that she’s “just a cheerleader,” which is slang for “moron.” She says that if she told him the truth about her dad, it would have driven him away. She does have a point, there. She says that her family is moving, but she’s staying for him, even though she’s known him for like, thirty seconds. He doesn’t believe her and flies away, and we see that she was actually spelling out “SORRY” with the rocks. That would be kind of sweet if I cared about her. Or Teeth. Or if this were a believable storyline.

New York City. Matt is at the police station, on the phone with the FBI. His boss hangs up the phone for him, which is extremely rude, but also quite the icebreaker. He asks why Matt’s conversing with the FBI, and Matt says that he’s trying to get more info on Nakamura’s murder. He says that he doesn’t believe Mother Creepy’s confession, but Chief Asshole wants the case dropped. Matt says that this group of people was involved in some sort of organization and pulls out the photo, and we see the whole group. Matt mentions his father, and the Chief tells Matt he’s too personally involved. Suddenly Matt remembers what happened with Fievel Face, and mentally tells his boss that he should give him a day to work on the case and talk to Mother Creepy. The Chief agrees.

Back at the Bennet house, HRG finds a picture of twelve-year-old Teeth in his files, and I finally see the connection between his Heroes gig and his part as Larry in Election. Mrs. Bennet sees it and asks him if he really did the things that Claire accused him of. HRG says that he thought he was doing something good- yeah, I can see why he’d think that bagging and tagging was helping to save the planet. Go Green!

HRG shows his wife the picture and says that Teeth can fly. He then shows her the paintings, including the one of him getting shot in the eye, and he tells her he doesn’t believe that he’ll really be shot, which of course is a bold, stinking lie. He tells her that Claire won’t leave town because of this kid, and he at least wants to talk to him to find out if there’s any way to stop the murder from happening. He takes his wife’s hand and tells her he needs her; she pulls away to take Lyle to school. Burn.

After his wife leaves, HRG calls Mo to ask if Fievel Face can help find Teeth. Mo says that he can do it and HRG hangs up. Mo then enters a hotel room to find Blow and Veronica Mars and tells them that HRG just called him and that he’s looking for Teeth. Thanks a lot, Traitor. Veronica Mars gives Mo the gun. Mo refuses to kill anyone and says if they don’t do it his way, he’ll tell HRG everything. Yeah, that’ll work. Blow tells Mo about LHO and how HRG killed him in Odessa as Veronica Mars sexually assaults Mo in the background. What is it with this chick? Can’t she just buy some porn? Blow agrees to Mo’s plan, but I’m pretty sure that’s a lie.

Back on the Roof, Hiro watches the argument between his dad and Mother Creepy. Mother Creepy bolts, and Hiro stupidly runs out to talk to his father. He explains about the time travelling, and tells his father about the impending murder. His father tells him not to fuck around with fate, but Hiro reminds his father that he once felt just like Hiro does now. He puts his hand on his father’s shoulder and transports him back in time.

At the Bennet house, HRG is headed out the door when his wife asks where he’s going. I guess women are kind of nosy. HRG vaguely explains that there’s “something” he needs to do. He opens the door as Teeth grabs him and flies into the air, asking HRG if he remembers him at all. Teeth really wants to know about Claire, and HRG says that she really does care about him even though the dude is a borderline criminal. They finally land, and HRG is lying on top of Teeth like a scene out of a really bad prison movie. HRG tells Teeth that he’s taking the family out of town, and Teeth needs to tell her to leave. Hey, HRG- I’d like to tell her to leave. Hand me a meat cleaver and I’ll get right to work.

HRG’s cell phone rings and it’s Mo, who tells him that Teeth is at the corner of Verbena and Palm. They’re actually at the corner of Ocean and 4th, so HRG knows that Mo is a big fat stupid liar, and he tells Teeth that Claire is in danger and that he needs his help.

At Claire’s school, Princess Claire gets called away from cheerleading practice by her coach. He introduces her to Blow, who lies that he wants to talk about what happened with her, Teeth and the thirty-five-year-old head cheerleader. He and Princess Claire walk off the field together, but she freaks when he calls her “Bennet” instead of “Butler” and she runs home.

Again we’re faced with a Peter-less episode. Liana and I are very upset.

At the corner of Verbena and Palm, Mo and Veronica Mars are waiting in the car. He asks whether she’s killed a lot of people, and she tells him that’s none of his business. Actually, it sort of is. He says that he wants to talk to HRG before Veronica Mars just kills him, and she agrees. HRG shows up and asks why Veronica Mars is there, and Mo says she’s just trying to solve the mystery of the meat in the cafeteria. Mo apologizes for lying, but then says he only needs a few minutes- he’s here to ask for Claire because they need her blood. He says that Claire will be returned safe and alive, and HRG is like, “Scusemewhatthefuck?” The two of them argue back and forth until Mo pulls out the gun and tells HRG to drive.

Princess Claire runs into the house and sees her dad’s computer with the death painting on the screen. A hand grabs her shoulder and she screams, but it turns out to be her mother. Her mom tells her all about Blow and says they have to leave. Princess Claire asks about the death painting, and her mom says that HRG thinks it’s actually going to happen. Blow appears with a gun and explains that Isaac Mendez painted the picture, and that he could paint the future. He looks at Mrs. Bennet and says, “Good to see you again, Sandra.” It turns out Blow was the Regional Manager for Primatech- or so they say. I’ve been a manager, and I never got a gun. Then again, I never managed a super-secretive evil company like the one on Heroes.

Mo and HRG get to some alley and exit the car, the gun still trained at HRG’s head. HRG asks who Mo’s partner is, and Mo has no idea what he’s talking about. HRG explains that Company policy is for everyone to have a partner. Veronica Mars appears from behind a van and HRG mutters, “Elle.” She perkily replies, “Hey you!” The way she said that line really annoys me for some reason. I think it’s just because she annoys me. Electric blue crap flies around her hands, and both she and HRG look up as Teeth swoops down and tackles Veronica Mars. They roll around on the ground and she gets knocked unconscious. Good, maybe she’ll shut up for two seconds. Mo points the gun at HRG, and we all see the death painting in the back of our minds, but then HRG punches Mo in his busted nose and grabs the gun. He points it at Mo’s face and makes an awesome speech about lies and betrayal. “How’d you think it was gonna end?” He asks. “Nobody’s taking my little girl!” He kicks Mo in the gut. I still don’t understand why everyone loves Claire so much. Oh well, it makes for good TV.

HRG comes home to find his wife duct-taped to a chair. So the props department found some use for that after all. I prefer that they give it to me to use on Peter, but it doesn’t look like he’s making an appearance this week, dammit. Anyway, HRG removes the tape on his wife’s mouth, and she tells him that Blow took Claire. HRG doesn’t seem too worried, because he hates Claire, just like the rest of us. And also, because he has collateral. Teeth walks in with Veronica Mars slung over his shoulder, still unconscious. He brings Veronica Mars into the house and HRG asks his wife if she packed Mr. Muggles’ doggie bath.

The camera then shows us Veronica Mars’ feet, shoved into a tub of water. She’s been tied to a chair with leashes, which could be kind of a turn-on, if Veronica Mars were a dude. A naked dude. HRG sprays her with water, and she wakes up. He tells her he needs to speak with Blow, and she refuses. He sprays her again, and when she tries to use her electric blue crap, it only works on herself. I got to hand it to HRG, that’s a pretty cool plan. I mean, he could have just shot her or something, but this one uses more CGI.

HRG tells Veronica Mars that he knows all about her ability; he was there when her father started testing her, back when she was just a normal little girl. She denies that her father would ever do that to her, but HRG claims that he “led the charge.” Veronica Mars doesn’t remember that- what do you bet the Haitian was involved? HRG says that he never wanted his daughter to become like Veronica Mars and says that he wants to make a trade with Blow: Princess Claire for Veronica Mars.

HRG calls Blow and says that if Blow touches his daughter, HRG will kill his, “and then I’ll kill you.” He tells Blow to meet them at the Imperial Beach in two hours. Blow tells Princess Claire that her father disappointed him- he thought HRG would be loyal to the end, which he has, only not to them. Princess Claire tells Blow to take all the blood he wants, just leave her father alone. This is most likely a mistake, seeing as how she won’t benefit from this in any way and therefore doesn’t care about the outcome.

We’re now in Tokyo, seventeen years in the past at Hiro’s mother’s funeral. Hiro explains to his father that he’s brought him there so that his father will understand his pain. Nakamura says that his wife’s funeral was the saddest time of his life, but it doesn’t change what must happen. Hiro claims that it does. Nakamura orders his son to bring him back to the present time, but Hiro refuses and runs off, and in doing so bumps into himself as a little boy. Young Hiro points a sword at himself and says that he’s Takezo Kensei. Knowing what we know now, I feel kind of bad for the kid. Young Hiro asks Hiro why his father is painting his mother’s grave, and Hiro says that the husband and wife’s names are carved into the stone, and his father is painting his name red, which is a promise to join his wife later. After the husband dies, the paint will be wiped off the stone. Young Hiro says that he’s a superhero, and therefore won’t let his father die. Hiro tells Young Hiro to listen to his father and learn from him. Hiro goes to his father and admits that he was childish and that he will take his father back to his death. I like this story a hell of a lot better than the one from 400 years ago.

At HRG’s house, HRG thanks Teeth and tells him to go home. Yes, PLEASE go home. Teeth tells him that he’s the best way to get Claire out of danger. Uh, how, exactly? This kid is 16 years old and weighs about 100 pounds soaking wet. I’d really like to hear whatever plan he has.

HRG tells Teeth to wait in the car, and Mrs. Bennet tells her husband that girls tend to find boys just like their dads. HRG inquires whether this is because Teeth can fly. “Her real dad,” Mrs. Bennet says. “You.” That was the best line in the episode. I got choked up a little. Shut up! I do so have feelings! HRG gives his wife the gun, and she says nothing’s going to happen. Hayden Panettiere must be really thankful that the heavy, dramatic scenes are being done without her so she doesn’t have to showcase her dismal acting.

Up on the roof, Nakamura says goodbye to his son. He tells Hiro that he’s proud of him, and Hiro tells his father to give his love to his mom; then he disappears. They both get teary, and so do Liana and I. Damn you, writers! Next week’s episode had better have people falling down a flight of stairs and landing in pudding, or something equally as hilarious.

We then get a re-enactment of Nakamura’s murder, only this time, we get a close-up of the bottom half of the killer’s face. I kind of think I know who it is, but I don’t want to put it down on paper because if I’m wrong, I’ll look like a jackass. Ando appears with the sword that Nakamura requested, and Hiro freezes the action, telling his friend that while he can’t save his father, he can find out who the murderer is. He pulls the hood back and sees the face of Kensei, and I was so right! Someone buy me a drink! Or six.

In the present, Matt is visiting Mother Creepy in jail. She doesn’t appear to be wearing her prison coat, which is interesting- I thought that was her jail uniform. Anyway, Mother Creepy tells Matt that if he visits her one more time, she expects him to make an “honest woman” out of her. Ech. That thought is both disturbing and unnatural. Matt says that he’s there to make an honest woman out of her. I cringe until I realize that by “honest” he just means “tell the truth.” Oh. OK, then. She then belittles him for trying to read her mind, but realizes that his mind control is working on her. She gives it up that Adam killed Nakamura, and explains why they locked him up thirty years ago. She also says that Adam stopped growing old and is now going after all the ElderHeroes. He then points to the unidentified woman at the top of the photo and asks who she is. Mother Creepy’s nose starts bleeding as she refuses to tell Matt the woman’s identity. She says that she promised the woman never to reveal who she is and says that if Matt forces the secret out of her, “you’re not just like your father, you are him.”

We swing over to the beach, where the daughter exchange is taking place. HRG, Veronica Mars and Teeth are in front of HRG’s car and HRG asks Teeth what kind of car he drives. Teeth claims that he has a piece of crap SUV. Dude, when I was your age I was carting around in a six-year-old Toyota when the other kids were driving Jags. Quit yer bitching. HRG says he drove a 1952 Citroen when he was Teeth’s age, and Teeth says, “those things are awesome.” They really are. That would have been a nice bonding moment if we didn’t suspect what was coming.

Mo and Blow pull up in their sinister black van and Blow and Princess Claire step out. HRG takes that opportunity to basically lay out their entire getaway right in front of Veronica Mars! Come on, man! First dude leaves his prints everywhere and now this? He’d never make it on Cops!

Blow un-cuffs Princess Claire and she walks over to the guys as HRG pushes a tied-up Veronica Mars towards her father. Teeth grabs Claire and flies upward, but Veronica Mars shoots some blue crap at them and they fall. Claire lands first so she can save Teeth and regenerate, and unfortunately she doesn’t crack her skull open. HRG shoots Veronica Mars in the arm, but really, he pretty much told her the plan, so what did he expect? Blow calls out for Veronica Mars and runs toward her, giving the first ever indication that he feels anything for her, and HRG informs Blow and Veronica Mars that if Blow dies, the Company dies with him. He aims the gun at Blow, but Mo shoots HRG in the eye as the painting’s prophecy comes true. Princess Claire tries to run towards her father, but Teeth grabs her and flies away.

Teeth and Claire arrive at the Bennet house, where Princess Claire tells him that the last words she ever said to her father were that she hated him. She goes inside to tell her mother as Teeth watches them both cry. Is it me, or did he really not deserve to be there for that? That’s kind of a family moment, you know?

Hiro’s father’s funeral. He refuses to give the eulogy because he doesn’t want to admit that his father is actually dead, and he really lives on the advice he gave his son and the lessons he taught him. Hiro continues to speak about his father as Mo looks down at the gun that killed HRG. Veronica Mars is driving with a bandaged arm. Blow gingerly touches the arm, but Veronica Mars doesn’t look like she’ll be taking him out to a Father’s Day dinner any time in the near future.

Hiro tells us that certain things are in God’s hands and other things we get to choose. Matt looks at the photo and we see that the unidentified woman is named “Victoria Pratt.” Hiro continues to speak about his father as we see him wipe the red paint off the headstone. Mrs. Bennet sits on the kitchen floor as the dog jumps into her lap. Hiro says that as long as his father’s lessons stay with him, his father can never really die.

The scene changes and we see blood dripping through an IV that leads to an arm that turns out to be HRG. His left eye is a hole that’s actually pretty gross, and his right eye is glazed over and filmy. It’s like monster movie lite. The blood travels through his body and his eyes regenerate. He comes to life and bolts upright, and he (and we) realize that he’s back at the Company.

“Holy Sh--!”